Lars and I have been going over Latin root words. Today he was to use each of the words we had in our last unit in either sentences or in a creative story. He choose to use sentences, so I thought I would challenge myself to do a short story with the words. We studied the Latin word Foli it means leaf.

There once was a man from Timbuktu. He had so much foliage he did not know what to do. Unifoliate, bifoliates, and trefoils too. They took over the yard the roof and the car to see any of these he needn't look far. "What to do? What to do?" was his cry in the night. To be honest it all gave him a real fright. Off to the nursery to see what could be done. In his arms a portfolio with pictures for proof, what could they do to make them go poof? Ahh, a defoliant is what is needed he was told. To fight this his plan would need to be bold. He would spay them and spay them till each one had exfoliated. And cover them with foil, he paced while he waited. He looked through his folios that had lots of paper then remembered something that made his thoughts waver. Among all the plants he had lambasted, was his favorite that contained his folic acid.

It is not perfect and I am not great with any type of verse but I did want to show Lars it could be done and really I thought it was fun. I hope that he continues to enjoy working with vocabulary. Here is the link to his blog post

Grand Canyon

Climbing out of our van at the Grand Canyon I realized what it means to really have your breath taken away. When I caught my first site of it I could not breath or even speak, if you know me you know that is saying something. I really could not even begin to take it all in. I remember my feelings at the time and I can remember to some degree what I saw, but I am really unable to mentally pull up the picture that I saw at that time. It is odd I remember that I was stunned but all my memory pulls up is what I saw without the emotion that went with it at the time. I am not sure how or why it is that way.


Thinking back to when I had my son when I pull up the mental images I had I feel those emotions again. I feel the panic and confusion when they said he was not breathing right. I remember the feeling of just wanting to touch him and kiss him, I do not just remember the feelings I feel that longing in my heart again. I wonder why with one thing there is that emotional memory and why with something like the Grand Canyon that it is not there. Perhaps it is that Lars is with me that the presence that I longed for is still with me. Or perhaps it is that so much emotion goes into having and carrying a child. I am not sure and just really wonder about how our emotions and memory of them are connected.

This School Year

The day after tomorrow we will take Steve to the farther airport. Lars and I are going to head to the Tampa aquarium and may take a short ride in the Bay to look at dolphins. This should be a fun time especially since Lars adores animals. There are some really good programs that will tie right to our school year.

With us choosing to do more of an interest based direction with school one of the directions that Lars is so excited about doing a unit on animal biology. He has stated that he would like to learn the deeper things about how and why specific animals do specific things. He specifically stated that he loves to learn and that he does not want to learn the little kid stuff. So it is very nice the out trip will fit into that.

I did not know how this type of change would go over or if he would just not be into it but on his own he said he would like to learn about US history but studying the major wars. How cool is that? Then he came to me and stated that he would like to learn more words so he could learn one each day and then the next week we would play hangman with them.

I then threw out an idea to him I said that we should do spelling BUT that he would pick the words and I would have to leare to learn the history of the US through the major wars. Wow how cool is thatn them too. I really struggle with spelling so this will be more for me. He knows that and is happy to help me.

We will be continuing with our same Math program. My goal is for him to get though two books at least this year, He should be very close to caught up if we do that.

Also we will be continuing our park day and it looks like a coop day will be added this year. His Art class and photography will also continue. We are also going to look into adding fencing if we are able. This will make for a busy but fun year I hope.

Steve and I were both somewhat nervous about this type of direction for homeschool, but I am feeling so much better since Lars has stated his ideas for it, and that he is excited about it.


So here is to a great year with just as much learning as last year

A Little Bit of Everything

Let's see what is going on with us lately? Well we love to travel and have done a lot of it this year. We are now in Florida. It is beautiful here. Really the heat is quite comparable to home, it is hot and humid. All though the temperature is comparable, something is different here. I am not sure it is just the humidity, that must be a part of it but there is more more than a high humidity, there is a wetness to the air. So since the temps are so hot we are not doing any major outdoor parks. We did go over to the Jungle Garden's, and we plan on going to the beach. Other than that we are sticking with indoor activities. I am going to look at local aquariums since Lars LOVES them. Steve goes back to work in just over a week. That is always a sad time. We love spending extended time together in the summer. This year the summer seemed even shorter because of our travels but it was also much more interesting and enriching. We really got to share a lot this summer not just our travels but also are hearts. We have had some very good conversations. I am learning to draw him out and really listen. I wish that were not such a challenge for me, but it really is. My thoughts rush and seem to also rush right out of my mouth. I have to put a door down on my thoughts to listen and that is a challenge. Steve has wonderful insight to share when he is drawn out. He is such and amazing gift from God. I do hope that I bless him as much as he blesses me. For Lars school year we are considering moving to more of an interest based approach. This is scary, yet he has a desire and drive to learn. He also has a decently wide range of interests that I think it will work well. I think he may be fantastic at choosing an area to learn then setting goals for his learning and for showing what he has learned. We are also deciding whether we should implement a co-op or not. Still working on that. He will continue with Art and Photography I will have to share the pictures he got of the bird diving on the lake. I thought they were pretty good. We also will stick with our Math program he still does not like Math but he seems as happy as possible with this Math. God is working on my heart and in the heart of our family. I do not yet know what he is going to do, and I am okay with that. It is odd but there is a peace when it is given over. It is not as if we are not involved in the choices but it is God who gives us the go ahead or the stop sign. I cannot wait to see what he does! I think that it really is an exciting time. The link is to the song that keeps going through my head right now. The line about stepping out on the water is speaking to my heart now.

Sometimes there are really no words. I mean in High School one teacher said that there was no such thing as writers block. Instead just keep putting words down and they will come. I am overwhelmed at times with all the evil things in the world. There is so much. Life is so precious, how is it that I am so blessed and other are not? I do not know the answer to this question. I just know that it is there. Then what do you do? How do you even begin to overcome anything? I mean there are children starving in this world. There are people dying of very curable diseases. There are children who sit day after day in cribs because not only are they orphans but they are in countries that are already so very poor. Yet I am blessed. How do I begin to be a blessing to others? I do not know. There are so many causes out there. Many ways to help. How do you choose one? I am sure there are many worthy causes that we could just give money to. The bigger question is, what if God is calling me to something bigger? What if He is asking me to walk down a road that I am unsure of? What if it requires more of me than I am able to give? Look at that look at all the "What Ifs." What if? What if God can do something huge through me? What if it requires all of me forever? Am I willing or am I afraid of all the what ifs? So I, and really since it involves my husband too it is we, so we stand at a crossroads or maybe it is a pinnacle one that could change us forever. One that would change us forever. Yet as we stand there the big question is "What IF'?

Travel

We are traveling through the West and having a fantastic trip. We started out in Sioux Falls. It was so beautiful to see; there we also visited some relatives. My mother is a twin and we were able to visit with my mother’s twin. It was wonderful to see them together. We saw the city including a buffalo ranch, the falls there, and a wonderful butterfly garden. It was so fantastic to see the area. Lars loved taking pictures there. I will share them as soon as I can get them uploaded. Our next big stop was Dead Wood. We stayed in a rustic but character filled hotel. The hotel had so many of the original doors and some of the wood work. It was clean with high ceilings. We spent two nights there and got our laundry done up while Steve was able to tour the museums there and he loved that. Our next stop was The Bad Lands. Oh my talk about wonder! There are no words to describe what it is like to step out of the car into another land. The rock structures, the pits, the cliffs all brought a lump to my throat and it was hard to take it all in. We are having such a great time and have seen so much more I will continue to update.

Socialization

One of the things that keeps being stated concerning homeschooling is, "What about your child's social skills?" I do understand this in some ways. In other ways I do not. I think that people may picture Lars and I home alone all day everyday. I never pictured this at all so this question, and really often a form of judgement, surprises me. I know that from some people this is an honest concern. Others just use it in their armory as a list of reasons why they are against homeschooling.

I was talking to a friend who also decided to homeschool this year. During this conversation I think I was able to firm up some of my feelings on this. There are really more than one aspect of socialization. The first is what it sounds like social skills. The time spent in the company of others and in this case peers. How does Lars social time stack up against when he was in school? Well in middle school the actual social time was very limited. They had only a 15 minute recess and a half hour lunch. Then there was the time waiting for the bus. Seeing that the crazy bus took forever to get him home after the time change he had very little time to interact with the kids in the neighborhood. Between getting home between 4:30 and 4:45 and home work it left little to no time to play after school. This means for true social time Lars was getting just over 3 hours a week. That is if they actually got recess and were able to talk and socialize at lunch.

With our homeschool schedule Lars is now done when the other kids are getting off the bus. If the weather is nice they are able to play for a good period of time before dinner. Lars also has much more time to play on the weekends since our projects and work are all done during the week. We also do most of our work on a 4 day schedule and we spend about 4 hours at a local park with many other homeschoolers. There are many boys there and they have very well organized games and activities that they put together and play. This is an extended time to really be with, work with, and interact with children of various ages. We are working on plans for something inside for the colder times and times with nasty weather. When I have looked at this Lars actually gets much more social time with his peers now than he did at school.

The second part of socialization comes down to learning how to get along in society's parameters. In this is involved working with others, learning to take leadership, learning to accept leadership, and learning to get your needs met while following society's written and unwritten laws. Children in school work on these a lot; raise your hand to talk, wait in line for the bathroom, wait for a drink, don't interrupt, contribute to a project, don't goof off too much. These are all things that children are exposed to in school.

This is where I as a homeschooling mom must purposely put in items in place. Having Lars accompany me to stores often shows him how to follow many social norms. Norms such as, wait your turn, don't run in the store, don't hit others with your cart, politely ask for what you need, try your best but seek help when needed and so on. However, children learn very well when put with others. Lars is in a Lego Robotics group this year. They are working on programing a robot to solve every day problems. He works in a group of about 10 boys to do this. He is also taking homeschool classes at the zoo and COSI (a local science center). He is also in a homeschool band. When we get back from Florida he will be taking a homeschool PE class. All of these classes give him the opportunity to work in groups with others to accomplish tasks. He can emerge as a leader, a follower, or something in between. If he chooses not to carry his load he will hear about it from his peers.

He is gaining much practice with his social skills with these experiences. One of the parts I really like is that since he is not always with the same groups his role can change as he grows and changes. This allows him the freedom to try being the leader and try being the follower and feel out what each role is like. He does not get pigeon-holed into a role and feel as if he must stay in that because that is what his group of peers expects.

These are my thoughts on socialization. They will probably grow and change as we continue down out homeschool experience. We will also have to figure out what to do for the several weeks we are in Florida. I have found a group of homeschoolers there and several places that offer classes. I hope to be able to participate in these while we are there.

One Child

I always pictured myself the mother to quite a few children. As a young teen I imagined the family I would have one day. I wanted 12 children. As I got older and helped care for other people's children I realized that 12 was a lot. I thought perhaps 2 to 3 children would be ideal, maybe even 4. Never did I picture myself with just one. Yet that is the place the Lord has me.

It was surprising to me to end up divorced shortly after the birth of my son. It was a whole new journey for me. Those first years went so fast, I went to school to get my teaching degree and had a packed schedule between working and mothering and being a student. I met the man that is now my husband when Lars was 4. They took to each other right off. That was so comforting. We married just 2 days after his 6th birthday. I had finished my degree and was looking for teaching work. We were open to more children but I thought that my feelings had changed and I would be fine with or without more children. That year we found out we were expecting. We were thrilled. When we lost that baby it was then that I realised how much I wanted more children. Lars is like a walking advertisement for having children he brings so much joy to our lives.

We have been though over 5 years of heartbreak with secondary infertility. I had never dreamed that if I wanted children that I could not have them. This journey has not been for the faint of heart. I trust that God in his wisdom will do what is really best for our family. I know that. I am also so very thankful for the child we do have and our daughter who I will meet in heaven. I just wish we could add to our family now. Then there are the times that I realise how easy we have it. You know I actually get to sleep through the night, and I do not have to take are car seat and diaper bag with me everywhere. we are very portable and can be very flexible. Those are very good things. I also try hard not to pine aways about not having more and try to really enjoy the one I have.

I love being a mom even if things have not turned out the way I had planned them I still love being a mom.

Best and Worst

Over at Bakers Dozen she is doing a Best and Worst Wednesday. I thought I would try my hand at it. Here is the link I tried to link but cannot do it http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341d7c8453ef0154366c8d95970c



Best Part(s) of Homeschool

Watching my son be very interested in science and bible when he said that his favorite subject is Bible I was thrilled. Here he is with one of his science experiments



Worst part
Listening to his frustration mount as he was working on the next project and he was not understanding the confusing directions and when he followed them it did not work the way it was supposed to. I must learn not to take on his frustration.

Best part of this week so far

Tonight hubby and I will have a date night!

Worst Part

I feel like I am doing a lot each day, but at the end of the day I feel that very little.

Best part of having a 12 year old boy
He is interested in so many things and his thinking skills are really developing. He is challenging ideas and thinking through the whys of things.

The Worst part
I no longer have all the answer for all of his questions

Today

Well today for the first time I think parts of homeschool got to be a challange for Lars. I am pretty sick but I have this week planned out. He also had some things to finish up for last week. So for the most part he was able to work things out with very little input on my part. I made an appointment at the doctor office this morning. When it got time for me to leave he was still asleep. This was okay with me I knew he would be sleeping late because he took his medicine last night. He had not had it in a few days and it can make him pretty tired. So I woke him a little and told him I had to go. When I returned he still had not gotten to work. He continued to putter around for a long time. I did not get mad I just kept my mouth shut and did not push him. Later in the day at the time we normally finish up he asked if he should finish up tomorrow. He was surprised when I told him that he needed to keep working since he had not started till later. He was not too happy but did not really get mad at me about it. He was more upset that he had to finish up in his room instead of the living room since it was our quitting time and the TV would be on. I am anxious to see if this motivates him to begin earlier. We shall see.

I am half thining about having him work on the book I am. It is called 30 Days to Understanding the Bible. I am finding it pretty good it has some real meat to it. It gives a basic understanding of the whole bible. Some of it is basic but it also has some very good points that it brings out. I like some parts of the bible program we chose but I hate the way it just leaps through the bible here, there, and everwhere. I do not like that part. I love the time line and the maps it has. I just do not know why you would study Joeseph before Adam, creation, or Noah or even Abraham.? I will probably use it this year and then just keep the maps. In the mean time I may have him read the book above to give him a basic overview then we can go deeper into each era of the bible. We will have to see about that.

Family Time

We have been focusing on doing something fun together as a family on the weekends. We were in a rut of just kind of hanging out on the weekend. This was great the first few weeks of school as my husband was very tired one the weekends. However, I really wanted to do things that we would remember and create a bond in our family.

This weekend we went on an adventure that was very awesome. we went canoeing on the Little Miami River. This was right up our son's alley. We have been saying for several years that we should do this. Since it was a beautiful weekend and I was afraid it would be one of the last nice ones we jumped on it. We had a great time. Lars even commented that this is what life is about. Enjoying nature and family not just electronics. He later said that he thinks that God is trying to teach him something from that experience. For Steve and I that was wonderful.

After we did that Steve surprised us and we went to a local antique place and toured a graveyard that is over a hundred years old! When we get to Ohio history Lars and I will go back and do some rubbings with chalk after I make sure we will not be doing any harm to the gravestones. When we finished there he took us to a local fruit farm that he grew up going to.



It was very fun and very crowded. I was thrilled though that we got to go and that Lars still wanted to go pick out his pumpkin. Lars and I went on the hay ride and Steve waited through the massive line to buy some cider (it was the best I have ever tasted) and some apples. It was a great day and our family had a good time. I had told Lars that he had to be able to carry his pumpkin. He picked a very big one that weighed 16lbs and carried it the whole way. We are going to try to carve it today. I have never done this so I hope that it goes well.

On a side not I am feeling much better! My low iron had made it that I was dragging myself through each day. Today I woke up feeling energized I feel good and I am so happy about that!

What a good time

On Friday we visited an aquarium. It is actually a few hours away but so worth the drive. Last post I talked about how I am trying not to add in too many things. I feel that what we have put in our schedule is quiet enough and though some things have great value I am trying not to just do something because of the opportunity but instead choose wisely what we pursue. So I did not know about this trip to the aquarium we are doing science but not animal science right now. However they were having a homeschool day and the price was right. I love this aquarium and had been twice but not yet with Lars. We decided to go with some friends (she was kind enough to drive) I was a little afraid he would want play around. I was also not sure it was the right time to take a day out of our current curriculum.

Boy was I wrong. He was completely interested, engaged, and excited about everything there. He especially loved the sharks. I had rented a movie on Amazon that was about sharks and downloaded it for him to watch before we went. That gave him some background knowledge and he went to town with it. There was no tuning out or quickly running from one display to another. No he enjoyed each thing examined them and digested so much of what we did. He is now very interested sharks and penguins. We are going to go to the library tomorrow and get some books on them. He was so interested that when we had walked through the whole thing he wanted to do it all again. Over and over he would come get me and tell me a fact that he learned. "Mom, mom did you know that the (insert the name of the fish) actually is born a female and later becomes a male?!" That was also a huge difference from past visits to places such as this. He wanted to know more and more about what he was seeing. He read each information plaque on what he was looking at. If there was someone who worked there he would ask very intelligent questions. I do not know if this is a result of homeschooling or just an age thing.

I am so glad that I grabbed this event and we went. Lars is not a lover of non-fiction now he is wanting to read anything about sharks. I am going to jump on this and tweak our lessons to accommodate this new interest. I am not sure what that will look like or how it fits into the middle school science curriculum but we will put it in there. I think that it will at least fall into the categories of research, non-fiction writing, and general science. In general perhaps I do need to seriously consider add ins and how they can spark interest in learning. We will definitely be returning to this spot. We may even look at the year long pass. I am unable to drive after dark so I will have to find a way around that, but now that I know his love for it I think we can arrange something.

specific challenges

We really are enjoying homeschool. However there are some things that present specific challenges. One is scheduling. I really somehow thought we would have a good portion of free time.

I could not have been more wrong. There are so many things to fill up our time, good things, worthwhile things, things that contribute to his overall education. However, if I just full up our time with added in items I think he would have a very scattered education. So instead we are trying to really focus on our curriculum and only add in relevant or needed activities. This does not always work. He is taking band and to me that is part of our curriculum not just an add in, but that is our music for now. I will not be adding more for the time being.

We are taking one trip this week that is worthwhile , but does not fit into what we are learning right now. This will take one day away from our focus but it is worth it, and it will fit in nicely with General Science that we will be learning this year. We are going to a very nice aquarium.

For right now we do not have a PE class. Instead we meet a group at the park and the kids play. Yes the really play. I love that. They also play with sticks. He is developing so well and playing is still part of that. When the weather changes and it is too cold to just play outside he will be taking a homeschool PE class. This will give him some social time and he will learn the basics of many sports.

He also participates in a Lego Robotics team. This happens in the evenings and is an extra it is one night a week. Steve usually takes him and this gives me a little down time. On Fridays my parents have him in the afternoon my dad works on photography with him and my mom does Spanish. These are the things we have added to the normal curriculum that we do. Since we have these add ins we have to be careful not to fill up our daytime schedule any more than this. That means sometimes saying no to even great opportunities.

Another challenge that we have is me. I really want him to be back on grade level as far as Math goes. I yet I know that at this time he does not have the foundation he needs to move on. So we are building that foundation. I want to move faster so that I can have him in Algebra for next year. That is not going to happen. There are 4 more books before we even get to PreAlgebra. He is breezing through all the lessons now but there is no way we will get all the way through the 4 books then do PreAlgebra to be ready for Algebra next fall. I have to overcome myself and know that it is okay. He should be able to start PreAlgebra at some point next school year. My hope is then that he can do Algebra his Freshman year.

This is hard to accept. I want to get things done now. I want him to catch up right off the bat. But that would not be good for him. I need to build the foundation so that when new skills are added they do not topple him. At school they just kept adding new skills even if the understanding was not there. Things will not be that way at home. I am going to put his needs first and take the time to build the strong math foundation he needs. We will move on as he is ready. I just need to swallow my pride and say where we are is okay. Where we are going is okay. It is all okay.

I think that the way I always question myself like am I a good mom and how can I be better has carried over into homeschooling. This can be okay if I remember that success is not just what other kids are doing or where they are, instead success is helping my son reach his potential. We can take our time getting there but my goals and the questions I ask myself should be relevant to that.

Why Are We Homeschooling?

Since Steve and I are both teachers and are/were working in public schools, we just assumed that the public school option would continue to work for us. It did work for K-5. Lars was pretty much happy and functioned well. He has always gotten good grades and there were very few issues. Yes, there were some issues but they were handled well by the staff at the school. Each teacher worked well with him and any needs that he had. It did not take much for him to comply with whatever standards were put in place. One teacher had a great system, she kept a chart of all the things due this was out where the kids could see it. If, at the end of the month they had less than two missing or late assignments then they would get to walk to McDonald's with the class. This was great! I think he missed like 2 of them and it was a great incentive for him!

This really changed for him beginning last year. His grades stayed on par. However he spent much of the year in a very stressed state. He loved certain aspects of the day but for the most part of the day he was stressed. He struggled with some of the things and this had a great affect on our family life. We really liked his teacher on a personal level. However, the class was not working for Lars. He was not getting home till a quarter till 5. This made homework and family time very hard. He does have ADHD. After controlling his body and mind all day to follow the structure of school, (He got on the bus at 8) it was very hard for him to put his attention on more school work. This left little to no time for family or for him to still play.

He got along well with many at the school but he still liked to play. He is a late birthday but some of the students really had interest in thing that were more like teenagers not the same things Lars was into. There was also a good amount of bullying going on. He did not deal with this so much in the classroom as he was very well liked in there. But in the halls there was a ton of this. The issue was trying to be addressed and specific matters were dealt with but in general there was a lot of it going on.

Our son was unhappy not just a little but very much so. Others may or may not have seen it but we did. The assignments were coming hard and fast, and by spring break it was clear that he could not handle a whole lot more. We got to the point that we were just trying to push through to the end of the year. As much as we liked the teacher we could no longer be on the same page with her. This is not okay with me. We wanted a united front to get the best education for him. There was so much chaos in the classroom, that Lars could not function. He was on the max amount of medicine and it was no longer helping the way it always had. Steve and I knew he could not go back to that but we were at a loss for what to do. We just all had to get through the year.

We decided to pray over the summer and figure something out for the next year. One huge moment was in June. We were laying in bed reading and Lars was on the X-box with one of his friends. We heard him laughing. We looked at each other and smiled it was a good thing to hear. We realized though that we had not heard that all of the last school year. Don't get me wrong he would chuckle at something, but not that deep belly laugh that he had always had the one that can and should accompany childhood. As the summer progressed we saw more and more of our son emerge. He no longer looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sometime in July it happened. We had our child back! At the same time, both of Steve's and my apprehension for sending him back grew and we did not know what to do.

At the 4Th of July we ran into one of his classmates and the parents who had been pulled out around Christmas to be homeschooled. They spoke of how much the stress had decreased in their home. When they asked how the rest of our school had gone, I cried. At that point point I knew we could not return. Not only for Lars sake, though that was primary, but for the sake of our whole family.

Steve and I were on a lunch date and we were talking about our options for the new school year which was fast approaching. We could meet with the teacher and explain how somethings just needed to change, (we had tried this) we could put as much as we could into the 504 we had in place and insist it be abide by, we could look at having him in the other classroom, (there are many reasons this would not have been a good option) we could look at private schools, we could homeschool. I remember telling Steve "I don't think we are steering our ship to the right harbor." Lars was hating education we also saw that his environment was not just non-christian it was becoming anti-christian. Our goal is to raise a child who first anformost loves God and walks with Him. Secon, that he gets the education he needs to go to college. There was a point that Steve just looked at me we knew this to be true. Within days we made the call and decided to homeschool. So we took the leap we closed our eyes and jumped into the unknown!

So far we are loving it. We still have our son. The other day we were at home group and he was playing with some friends His laughter carried down the steps to us. It is the school year, he is learning a lot, and he is laughing.

So far I am loving homeschooling. Things do not always go as planned and I am still a little overwhelmed with the full responsibility for providing my son's complete curriculum. Really though it was always my responsibility and for so long we were just able to let the school provide it. That worked it was my responsibility but it was being handled by someone else. When it was no longer working for him it was my responsibility to do something about that as well.
We are all very happy with the changes that have been made. Steve and I both love that we are able to do bible and that he shows such an interest in it. We also love that all the extras that we thought he would miss out on he is able to participate in. He is in band, he hangs out with other kids, he is doing robotics. We also have the time and energy to implement things that he is interested in. One day he built this car and learned about it. He loved it and I loved that we could put this into our day.
Lars is happier this way and he is learning a ton. He is more content and shows much more interest in the learning process. I hear the words I wonder many times from him, then he sets out to figure out what he wondered about. That is a winning combination in my book.

Beautiful Day

Lars had a friend stay over last night. It is so nice to see how they play. They are 11 and 12 years old both of them are in middle school. What I love about it is that they actually still play. We have a field near our home with a small wooded area they and other boys from the area play all through there. They both take their Nerf weapons out and have many battles all through the woods and field. I was happy that they were able to take the battles outside and out of my living room. :) It hit about 60 today but now it is pouring rain and it seems I also hear hail. So I am glad that they were able to play outside while the nice weather lasted.
I think that at the middle school level can be a real challenge for kids so I am thrilled that there are times when Lars can step away from all that and just have fun. We are truly blessed to live where we do, that there are boys to play with, and that Lars is still interested in playing the way they do. I hope to preserve his childhood as long as possible.

Still Healing

So it has been sometime but that is what I am doing, healing. It is a long and ongoing process. One of the things I am really struggling with now is having a church home. There are things that I just do not like about my church right now. Thing that I am so uncomfortable with that I cannot continue to go. This is hard for me since I met my husband there. He is committed there and although he sees the issues I do they do not seem to bother him.
It is only because of my background that the things bother me. I can smell control and issues with it a mile away. I do not want to subject myself to that. I would like to check out different types of churches but my husband would like to go to one that kind of split off the church we go to now.
I do like that church and I am willing to try that, but I really wanted to look at what Orthodox Christianity looks like. Steve has blessed me to look at churches with or without him. Even if this means we end up in different churches. I do not see that happening. But I am really excited to see what God does in this journey he has me on. I know he has something in store for me. I just do not know what it is.

Winter

Well it is clear that I do not choose to write very often on this blog. However, it is something that I would like to do more of.
We have had a rough time around here since Christmas. Christmas was great and all but it was the times after that that things got a little rough. We all got sick one right after the other Lars being the one that was really sick. Mostly the normal things but he got croup again and the Drs think that since this was the third time since October and that he is older now that they want him to see a specialist. This is a bummer. I do hope though they can find out why he is still getting it and perhaps get something to stop it.
In the midst of all of these things our dog got sick. He had been sick for a while but he ended up having advanced cancer and we had to put him down. He was handsome, wonderful, and highly loyal dog. We miss him to a great degree and we were very sad to make such a choice.
Most of this happened during a particularly bad period of weather. The night ranger died there was a huge ice storm and we could barely walk on it. This has been a hard period of weeks.
Now things are starting to look up and we are glad of that I am so ready for winter to be over. I am ready for spring and then summer. I am also looking forward to the kids being able to get out and have Nerf wars outside instead of in my living room. :)

Healing

Sometimes it seems healing can be very hard. It has been close to 12 years since I made the decision to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs). Leaving has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It really has been such a huge change to live in the "real" world. I love the freedom I have on a daily basis. I can make choices and do things because I want to do them. I love that the things I decide to do or not to do are based on what I think, not on what I think will happen by an organization if I do something. That may be hard to understand for someone who has not been a part of a cult, but when you have spent your life trying essentially to please others it is odd to really make choices from your own perspective.

This is not to say that I only make selfish choices or that God is not involved in the decisions I make. God is certainly involved in all of the things I do or do not do. However, it is God I consider and what I know of Him not what an organization tells me he does or does not want.

I also love that I am free to worship God the way I want to not in this one way that is prescribed by the org. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins and on the third day he rose again. Inside of that I have much freedom to worship the way God calls me to. I love that. I can go to a great many churches and find something in it that leads me to God. The best part is that if I don't agree with it or if I think they may be teaching something false I can walk away. I do not have to stay! These freedoms are incredible and I love and cherish them.

However, it is not all easy. It is still hard when I run into people that are still in the JWs. Not if I just barely knew them but if they are people I grew up with and knew for so long it can be very hard. Most of them just pretend they don't know me some of them want to try to get me to come back. I used to have close to a panic attack when I would see someone. Now my heart beats a little faster and I make a choice as to how I will handle the situation.

Since if I were to voice my thoughts and opinions they would be view as if coming from the devil I usually just avoid speaking to them if at all possible. This works for the most part. However, if I am really confronted I will speak and I do speak about the personal relationship I have with God. I remember how surprised one gentleman was that I claimed that and said I would pray for his wife. It really befuddled him.

It is just hard because I do like it when people like me. I also like human approval. I know I have God's but it is nice to have peoples think well of you as well. Knowing that the people I run into do see me and that they think I have committed some type of terrible grievance is hard for me. This is getting easier to deal with and I am glad of it. The healing is coming but it is not the easiest thing in the world. Yet I know that with the healing comes growth and that growth is wonderful.

My Testimony

Well this is a link to the testimony I gave at a conference in 2007. Just scroll down to the bottom and my name is Elizabeth T you will see the rest of it there. The picture on my sidebar is when I was giving the testimony. I was very nervous but I am glad I shared it. I spent so may years trapped in a false religion coming out was not an easy transition but with the help of our God and Savior I was able to. So if you would like the story just listen.