I am going to post about my feelings today rather than bargains. It is very hard to understand why I can't get pregnant I mean I have one child. I also got pregnant with another one. I was not trying to even get pregnant with the child we lost so why now when we want it so bad am I unable to get pregnant?
I have read about so many women who are not even able to have one child. Should I just be happy that I have the one and go on with life? I mean he is 81/2 they would be so far apart in age. Yet this desire is still there. I wake up with it, I go to sleep with it, I tell it to go away, and it does not leave. It is almost like a hunger that eats you up inside. I really wanted a child before I had my son. I never imagined that I would still want another so badly. Secondary infertility is more common than many people think. The thing is that the feeling to have another child is not less when you actually have one.
Perhaps that is why I want another so bad. I adore my son I never thought parenthood would be so wonderful. He is an interesting, intelligent, and all around great kid. Who would not want another one? I also know that my husband is such a great father. He love our son, who is actually his stepson, my husband adores him and they do all the father and son things together. One of the things I know is that we could have 5,6,7,8 of our own kids and it would never change the love he has for Lars. That means so much to me.
This is going to be a hard week because I am in the two weeks wait they call it. The between ovulation and when you would find out if you were pregnant. So of course I will find out Christmas Eve if I am. The hard thing is that I am not going to be. I don't have the symptoms I have had before. If I think hard enough my body starts to feel them though. Oh yes I am a little tired. Oh my stomach is a little upset. I think that is what hard those whole two weeks I am constantly searching my body for hidden signs I may actually be pregnant.
I will not allow my disappointment to keep from having a great Christmas with my family or to take away from the true meaning of Christmas.
So now you have the rantings from a frustrated, infertile woman.
On a side note we got the tree put up last night and it looks great. I will try to post pictures of it tomorrow.