Healing

Sometimes it seems healing can be very hard. It has been close to 12 years since I made the decision to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs). Leaving has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It really has been such a huge change to live in the "real" world. I love the freedom I have on a daily basis. I can make choices and do things because I want to do them. I love that the things I decide to do or not to do are based on what I think, not on what I think will happen by an organization if I do something. That may be hard to understand for someone who has not been a part of a cult, but when you have spent your life trying essentially to please others it is odd to really make choices from your own perspective.

This is not to say that I only make selfish choices or that God is not involved in the decisions I make. God is certainly involved in all of the things I do or do not do. However, it is God I consider and what I know of Him not what an organization tells me he does or does not want.

I also love that I am free to worship God the way I want to not in this one way that is prescribed by the org. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins and on the third day he rose again. Inside of that I have much freedom to worship the way God calls me to. I love that. I can go to a great many churches and find something in it that leads me to God. The best part is that if I don't agree with it or if I think they may be teaching something false I can walk away. I do not have to stay! These freedoms are incredible and I love and cherish them.

However, it is not all easy. It is still hard when I run into people that are still in the JWs. Not if I just barely knew them but if they are people I grew up with and knew for so long it can be very hard. Most of them just pretend they don't know me some of them want to try to get me to come back. I used to have close to a panic attack when I would see someone. Now my heart beats a little faster and I make a choice as to how I will handle the situation.

Since if I were to voice my thoughts and opinions they would be view as if coming from the devil I usually just avoid speaking to them if at all possible. This works for the most part. However, if I am really confronted I will speak and I do speak about the personal relationship I have with God. I remember how surprised one gentleman was that I claimed that and said I would pray for his wife. It really befuddled him.

It is just hard because I do like it when people like me. I also like human approval. I know I have God's but it is nice to have peoples think well of you as well. Knowing that the people I run into do see me and that they think I have committed some type of terrible grievance is hard for me. This is getting easier to deal with and I am glad of it. The healing is coming but it is not the easiest thing in the world. Yet I know that with the healing comes growth and that growth is wonderful.

My Testimony

Well this is a link to the testimony I gave at a conference in 2007. Just scroll down to the bottom and my name is Elizabeth T you will see the rest of it there. The picture on my sidebar is when I was giving the testimony. I was very nervous but I am glad I shared it. I spent so may years trapped in a false religion coming out was not an easy transition but with the help of our God and Savior I was able to. So if you would like the story just listen.

I have learned to link!

After I have struggled with adapting to this no oven for the holiday's I found this great site. This person is using the crock pot everyday for a year! now that's adapting.

Crock Pot Cookies

We I can't believe it worked. I made some cookies in the slow cooker today. They are actually bars but close enough. I am just thrilled I adapted the recipe from my grandmother's and now a similar one is on the sweetened condensed milk can but my version is pretty different.
I call them The you don't want to know who bad they are for you cookies. The are so easy to make to.
1bag ch chips I like milk ch
1 bag Reese peanut butter chips
1 box of vanilla wafers crunched up to crumbs
1 can eagle sweetened condensed milk
1 stick butter

Melt the butter in the crock pot turn on hi or low which ever will get it done. When the butter is all melted pour the wafer crumbs over and pat them in place. *this is where one difference come in I sprinkle the to kings of chips over the crumbs. Then I open the can of milk and drizzle it over everything. Other recipes have the milk going on the crumbs 1st You then turn on the crock pot on low and let it cook till the center sets up about 2-2 1/2 hours.
These turned out great
My next adventure will be my half-way healthy oatmeal cookies They will be more like oatmeal bars.

EAT

The second child is just as wanted

I think it would be easy for others to think that if you have one child you cannot be infertile. I mean you have a child and that proves it right? However, the instinct to have children is a God given one and that instinct does not go away after you have one. In fact I really want another child more than I wanted my first one. I know what is involved in having a child. The sleepless nights the crazy trips to the ER at very odd hours. The worry about am I doing this right is he growing. I also know the joys that first smile, first words, the million times they say I love you mom. I am amazed that my heart still swells with love when I see my child first thing in the morning. I love being his mother. I would love to do it all again. There are things I would do different and things I like how they turned out. My love pours into my child and my heart breaks as he begs us to have another child. He wants a little brother, but says he wants a sibling so bad he will take a girl.
I think that is one of the hard things. It is not just me who wants this child, but the whole family who would welcome a wonderful new addition.

The Slow Cooker in a Pinch

Several weeks ago I went to clean my oven. It was a chilly day and I was happy to have the heat in the house without turning on the furnace. I blithely turned the oven to clean and went about my work. Later that evening I went to open the oven and it would not open. Well I thought it just need to cool down more I will wait till tomorrow, well low and behold it would not open the next evening. We have tried everything and it still will not budge. We have know the range would have to be replaced sometime soon and so we have decided it will be now. We are researching ranges and will have to make a choice soon and hopefully by the new year we will have a new range.

However of course I have been craving baking. I love to bake and this is the best time of year. So I feel my wings have been slightly clipped. So when I made chill a few weeks ago I really wanted corn something to go with it. As they say necessity (or really wanting something) is the mother of invention. So I went to allrecipes.com and I found this great recipe

INGREDIENTS

* 1 (15.25 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
* 1 (15 ounce) can cream style corn
* 1/2 cup margarine, softened
* 1 cup sour cream
* 1 (8.5 ounce) package dry cornbread mix

* add to recipe box Add to Recipe Box
My folders:
* add to shopping list Add to Shopping List
* add a personal note Add a Personal Note

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 2 quart casserole dish.
2. In a medium bowl, mix together the whole kernel corn, cream style corn, margarine, sour cream, and corn bread mix. Pour into the prepared casserole dish.
3. Bake for 45 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

I just threw it in the crock pot and turned it on low. I also used real butter and homemade cream corn. A few hours later we had corn bread. I loved the result so I just decided to see how much my little slow cooker can do. I looked up apple crisp on allrecipes.com and deserts for the slow cooker I found lots of things. The apple crisp was great. I set the lid off of the slow cooker when it was done for a while and the top crisped right up. Dh loved this and tonight I am going to try this. Ministers Delight It is a cherry desert he love cherry!

I can't wait to see how it turns out.

The Cycle of A Cycle

When you are ttc or trying to conceive there is a process that you seem to go through each month. At least that is the way it is for me. You see each month when my cycle begins I am very sad that I have started and that it means I am not pregnant. Then within a few days the sadness begins to turn to hope. I can count the days and know that this is a new month and there is hope that this will be the month. The next week is spent in anticipation taking and herb to help hoping and praying. Then the stress kinda kicks in is this too early? Is this too late? Will it be exhausted before it is the perfect time. Then there is the other side. How do we keep the romance in it. Should I get a sitter or just wait till bed-time? Then for the next two weeks there is this hope mixed with an odd sense of responsibility. Should I have that glass of wine, I mean it has been three years we have been trying what really are the chances? But then what if and then if there are problems it will all be because I was selfish and drank a glass of wine. Then I begin to look for all the little signs "yes I am a little tired, is it that tired I get when pregnant?" Oh I think the girls are a little swollen is this just a PMS thing or are they really swollen. Then I tell myself Stop playing with your mind you know that it will not happen just like it has not happened in the last 34 months why would this be the month. But I want to hold on to that hope at least for a little while. The thought that maybe just maybe this is the month. The I start. And it all starts again.
We are going on vacation next month perhaps I can try to get off this roller coaster for the month as well and just enjoy the season.