The Cycle of A Cycle

When you are ttc or trying to conceive there is a process that you seem to go through each month. At least that is the way it is for me. You see each month when my cycle begins I am very sad that I have started and that it means I am not pregnant. Then within a few days the sadness begins to turn to hope. I can count the days and know that this is a new month and there is hope that this will be the month. The next week is spent in anticipation taking and herb to help hoping and praying. Then the stress kinda kicks in is this too early? Is this too late? Will it be exhausted before it is the perfect time. Then there is the other side. How do we keep the romance in it. Should I get a sitter or just wait till bed-time? Then for the next two weeks there is this hope mixed with an odd sense of responsibility. Should I have that glass of wine, I mean it has been three years we have been trying what really are the chances? But then what if and then if there are problems it will all be because I was selfish and drank a glass of wine. Then I begin to look for all the little signs "yes I am a little tired, is it that tired I get when pregnant?" Oh I think the girls are a little swollen is this just a PMS thing or are they really swollen. Then I tell myself Stop playing with your mind you know that it will not happen just like it has not happened in the last 34 months why would this be the month. But I want to hold on to that hope at least for a little while. The thought that maybe just maybe this is the month. The I start. And it all starts again.
We are going on vacation next month perhaps I can try to get off this roller coaster for the month as well and just enjoy the season.

She will always live in my heart

It happens gradually, I get kind of cranky then I get down right moody. I start to snap at those around me and think oh it is just PMS. I will start then get over it. It happens each month. But this time it just hangs on and I get crabbier and crabbier. What is wrong with me? All at once it hits me three years ago this week our baby went to the arms of Jesus with out me. All I have left are the ultra sound pictures that prove that yes my baby did exist. She was here and I will see her again. I cry then pull out my small box of memories and cry some more. I call my mom and cry with her, then I curl up in bed and get cozy. As I begin to understand the pain and get in touch with the pain the moodiness and crankiness disappear sadness is left the pain as well but after a few days it begins to clear to and I know I will go on. My daughter will always have a huge place in my heart sometimes I feel her with pain and sometimes with longing for the day I will see her again, but she is always there. I miss you my little one your mommy loves you.

We like the electric company

Well last week was quite interesting without the power for 5 days. I was so glad that hubby was smart enough to get a generator so quickly and we did have it set up before we lost our food, however it was odd to walk in a room and turn on the lights and wait then nothing happens. All this week I have marvelled at just how dependent we are on electric.
Before this happened I would have said we would be okay. And, we were it was just hard and if I have my preference I would not go through it again. I have decided we are going to keep emergency cash in the house now. I realised when the electric goes so does the banking system. We also now try to keep our cars filled with gas so that if there is a crisis we at least have that.

Children Make Liars Out of Us

Just over one week ago my ds was watching some of the devastation of hurricane Ike. His beautiful blue eyes turn to me and he says "Mom will we ever have a hurricane here?" "of course not dear we live way to far inland for that to happen." I spoke these words very firmly and sure of myself. I mean we live in central Ohio. Please! What a difference 24 hours makes. My husband and I decided to take a little Sunday afternoon nap. We were awakened by ds coming into the room saying he thought we were going to have a tornado. I chuckled and said that we would be hearing the sirens if that were true. Wow how sure I can be of my self, and how terribly close to the truth my son was. I got up and walked to the living room window. for the next several hours we watched the wind whip up and down the street. Many times I told my son to quickly get away from the window. We prayed for our safety and for that of others. The trees whipped through and tore down trees and power lines. Our lights went out along with all of the neighbors and about 1/3 of our city. I found out the winds reached hurricane strength. We had a rough time but we were so thankful that were are safe and though we had no power for 5 days we know it could have been much worse and that in fact it was many many times worse for those in Texas. It did give us compassion for them.
The next time I start to tell my son that something could not happen here I will think more about it.

I hate being sick

Well, with the return to school comes the return of "The Invasion of the Germs." With that I started with a slight sore throat last week. I though perhaps it was just some drainage and did a few home remidies. It did not work On Thursday I woke up with a head cold and it just got worse throuout the day. I woke up early Friday morning and felt like I was hit with a Mack truck in the head. My Doctor was not in so I went to the "little clinic inside Kroger" and got started on an antibiotic. I don't like to do that but it is so much better than it hitting my lungs and getting a full blown asthma attack or worse.
Last night ds started to cough and today he is very sick. I gave him his medicine and hopefully we will get through this. He is happy because he gets to drink 7 up. We usally don't do pop around here but when we are sick I get it for us.
I am really hoping this post make sense as in order to be able to see straigh I have been taking Nyquil. The day time stuff just doesn't do it. So I am sleepy while I type.
My wondeful dh skippied going to the game to stay home with us today. Poor guy.
I can't wait till I feel better there are so many projects around here I want to finish up. I just can't tackle them until I am better. I am working in ds room and I am excited to get his bedspread and new curtains for his room. He wants to go with Start Wars and I am happy with this. He is 9 and I hope it will last a few years. I think I will get some of those peel on and off stickers for his wall. He should have a great time with those.
Thats what is going on this weekend here. On Monday I will hopefully be able to post about the new weeks deals.
Have a great weekend

Target Saving

Wow I read over at Money Saving Mom about a Target deal. I was running out to the store and decided to work it into my trip. I was able to get $57.00 worth of items for $32.00 I had picked up a few things that were free after coupons as well.
Specific Kellogg items were 4 for $9.00 Plus when you buy four you get a $5.00 Gift card
I ended up with 12 of the special item. Meaning I got 3 five dollar Gift Cards
I now have:
4 boxes of Pop-tarts
4 packs of Keebler cookies
2 boxes of Rice Crispy Treats
2 boxes of Kellogg's Bars
I had coupons for everything but 2 of the cookies and the Kellogg bars. I actually had target coupons and manufactures coupons for the pop-tarts they were $2.25 then .50 cents of for each coupon so after the Gift card These ended up to more than free! I will eat them and I can keep them at work for some of my kids who get hungry.
I also have a certificate to send off 10 Proofs of Purchase and get a check for $10.00 That was one great trip to Target!